So, as you may remember from my post "Vegas Escort Girl Interview Questions: Do You Like Your Job?," I asked my friends and clients about the content that they'd like to see on this blog. Because I often work in strip clubs, I received a lot of requests for an article about what strippers are really thinking. If you go to strip clubs regularly, maybe this will be TMI, but I think you'll appreciate it nonetheless. If you've never been to a strip club, don't let it scare you off. ;)

As a stripper myself, I've had a lot of discussions backstage. Us strippers laugh about the silly, gross and odd things that we think while dancing. It's what keeps the night light. And it's one of the reasons I still strip in addition to my work as a Vegas escort girl.

Here's what one of my friends said: "When I notice you walk through the door of a strip club and make eyes with you, I see a sad, gullible person with nothing better to spend their money on than fake affection. On my good nights, I'll feel bad for you as we lock eyes and I lick my lips. More often, on nights when my feet hurt, I'm thinking about what I'll eat after I leave work as I lick my lips and look hungrily at you."

Yep. Straight from the stripper's mouth. And it's true. More often than not, my feet hurt and I'm hungry, but I still have to do my job and flirt with clients. So, when that same client (you!) comes up to the stage, I personally I size you up. I'll ask your name and smirk to myself about how I'm using an alias, but you're probably telling me your actual name. A name that I could look up on Facebook in about 30 minutes...

After I've danced for you on stage for about 30 seconds, if you haven't tipped, I'll be internally rolling my eyes, thinking about how much my feet hurt and being happy that you don't smell as bad as the last guy at my stage. (Unless you're the smelly guy. Don't be that guy. Gross.) I'm probably also thinking about how I need a new outfit.

Also… Here's what another stripper friend said: "While I'm bent over on stage so guys can get a better look at my butt... I'm trying not to fart in their face."

Once we've chatted a bit and I've rubbed up against you or given you a better look at me, I'll typically ask if you'd like a private dance. Though I'm usually happy no matter what you say, other girls are more jaded than myself.

Read what my friend (ironically named "Jade") said, for example: "If you say yes to a lap dance, I think “sucker!” If you say no, then I think “cheapskate!” You really can't win. Once you've walked into a strip club, you just can't win. Except with desperate girls, but those girls don't last very long as strippers anyway."

Mind you, I've been in the business longer than Jade, and I'm not desperate, but I've also got a rare personality for a stripper/Vegas escort girl.

So, assuming you've agreed to our lap dance, I'll lead you to the back room and I'll sit you down in a chair. Meanwhile, I'm internally wrinkling my nose at the sweaty, gross people who have previously sat there. Some of which have personally confided to me that they have STDs. Yes, that's where I'll sit you. I wouldn't sit there, but as a friend said, "you're paying to sit on all of those germs."

Once I'm giving you your private dance, that's when my mind really starts to wonder. For me, it goes something like this:

• “Mmmhmmm, sit down. Yes. Suuure I'm happy to spend more time in these awful shoes."
• “I'm sooo hungry... I should eat when I go backstage. But then I'd have to brush my teeth. Ugh.”
• “Ew, I can smell the guy that [insert stripper name here] is dancing for from here!”
• “Oh, I hope you buy another dance, baby. More time off the floor for me!”
• “Yeah? You like how I look? Does that mean I should tell you I'm a Vegas escort girl, too?”
• “I think [insert stripper name here] just farted. Or... Was that you?”
• “I wonder if you have a girlfriend… Actually, I don't want to know.”
• “I want to watch The Little Mermaid.”
• “My feet hurt.”
• “Is the song over yet?”
• “Ariel was kinda desperate, actually. Maybe I'd rather watch The Fox and The Hound...”
• “Another song?”
• “Oh my gawd, I want fooooood!”
• “Oh, we're done? Well, would you like to buy me dinner away from here? I'm hunnnngry!"

Not kidding. That's about how it goes. And my stripper friends say that my line of thought makes me seem like a new girl, someone who hasn't had time to turn sour, so just think about what they're thinking! Sorry to burst your bubble, but strippers are often ADD, their feet always hurt, they're often jaded, they're hungry after dancing for hours and they really just want to make some money and get off of their feet.

This isn't to say that everything a stripper has ever said to a client is a lie. Heck, I fell in love with a client once. But, I still thought about money, food, my feet and just about everything else when I was with him.

There you have it! I, your personal Vegas escort girl, interviewed stripper friends so you don't have to! ;-)